When I drove into work today there was a gigantic grey cloud over the city...and not just metaphorically, there was actually a giant grey blanket over the sky...I thought to myself, even the rain is sad.
What can I say that hasn't been said? Do I want to play the blame game? Shall I return to my depression? Should I burn my jersey and curse Pete Carroll and never watch a game again?
HELL. NO.
Softy on KJR said it best, "when you sign up for the good, you sign up for the bad too, that's what its all about"
So yes I'm mad, sad, hurt, angry, depressed, pissed, want to throw something, want to throw UP! I'm all of it, but you know what...I freaking love it.
HUH???
Yep, I love it.
I love how complex and dramatic and filled with emotion this whole crazy mess is. I love that once again I have cheered and screamed and cried with my family and friends. That we created LASTING memories, for generations, like REAL generations. I love that we have this story...I love that we have each other. I love that I wore my jersey today and it stated conversations with strangers and put smiles on peoples faces. That I lifted them up with positivity and hope and looking towards a brighter tomorrow. I did that, Me, I had an influence on people in the most positive way and I LOVE THAT!!!!
I spent my whole life running from emotion, trying to bury my thoughts and feelings. Fearful and ashamed. NOT ANY MORE. Now I run to it, I embrace it for what it is and I take the best and move forward.
The one thing I do STILL find difficult to reconcile is how, of allllll things in my life...football, the ridiculous sport of football, changed it in so many ways, and continues to every day. So Im not looking for the next stop off the bandwagon any time soon...there is far too much journey still left ahead.
My dad summed up best, "On to next year"
Yup, he said it :)
